


Midnight Clear

by georgiamagnolia



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Not Canon Compliant, snowpocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28146627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiamagnolia/pseuds/georgiamagnolia
Summary: Olivia and Rafael are sent, separately, out of town and end up in the middle of a North Pole cataclysm, a snowstorm, a power outage, and each other.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27
Collections: Barson Secret Santa 2020





	Midnight Clear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thousand_miles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousand_miles/gifts).



> thousand_miles this is your Secret Santa Story, Happy All the Holidays!
> 
> You didn't request with a prompt so I hope this will fit the bill, I enjoyed writing it so I hope you will enjoy reading it!

“Rafael, it’s already set. You are the most experienced attorney I have with this type of case and I need you to explain to the legislature why this funding is important. They are about to recess for the holiday and if we don’t get this done during the emergency budget session, we’ll have to wait months, or worse, more years.” His boss handed him a binder filled with facts and figures. “You can tell them you’re the guy with the most wins in a field where winning is most difficult, convince them, charm them, bring home a budget increase.” Rafael watched as his boss turned and left his office without a backwards glance, trusting his orders would be carried out. 

The first page of the binder was a schedule, a reservation confirmation for two nights in a hotel, and a train schedule. There was a note instructing him to submit receipts for his travel and food and he’d be reimbursed. He rolled his eyes. This was not what he’d planned for the rest of his week, but he’d have to adapt. 

In an office some blocks away a similar conversation was happening. 

“Captain, our budget is municipal not state, how is anything I have to say going to matter in Albany?”

“Olivia, if we can get the suits in the capitol to break off a chunk of change for this project, you’ll have a statewide database of offenders and their DNA specific to sexual crimes, that means a dent in the backlog of rape kits tested and a cross-jurisdiction pool of information. It’s also two nights in a nice hotel with room service. The room’s booked, so go.”

Olivia returned to her desk and opened the binder she’d been handed. Facts and figures and nothing that even pretended to be the human face of sexual assault or the lingering trauma those victims faced. Not one bit of these pages detailed the suffering of victims or the frustrating and often futile legwork she and her fellow detectives went through to get them justice, or just a bit of solace after the fact.

She sighed and examined the schedule. Two days had been set aside for the legislature to hear testimony supporting various budget items and there was no specific time that she was due to speak, she just had to cool her heels in the capitol building and hope they called her early. If she got lucky, she’d be up quickly on the first day and could skip the second night at the hotel and just come home. She saw there was a train schedule and instructions for submitting receipts for travel and food to get reimbursement by the department. Well that was nice enough, but didn’t really make her dance for joy. She sighed; it wasn’t like she had any pressing social engagements. She started making a list of what to take with her for a two-night stay and at the top of the list she put ‘good books’ because if she was wasting time waiting for the suits to be ready to listen, she might be there a while.

Wednesday afternoon was not busy in Rafael Barba’s office which normally wouldn’t be any kind of issue. This particular Wednesday he was trying to clear up some details of an upcoming case so he could pass it off to a co-worker but was also answering calls and fielding questions from two other co-workers who had taken over cases under orders from their boss so Barba could go to Albany. Half of the questions and calls could have been handled by his assistant if she hadn’t been called out of town for a family emergency on Monday. He made a note to himself and stuck to his desk blotter: “Get Carmen a Damn Raise.” He knew she made his life easier but didn’t realize until she was gone that she made work run like a well wound clock and never let the alarm go off. He finally put the phone on the afterhours answering service and sent emails to all the other ADAs who’d taken his cases, all three of them, to get continuances and he’d sort it all out next week. It likely meant he’d have to come to work Saturday and Sunday after his out of town trip, but he didn’t have other plans, so what the hell. 

He locked up and headed home to pack, planning to get the afternoon train to Albany. He could make some notes on the ride North, planning what to say to a room full of politicians who had no idea why this budget item was important. Certainly, the folder of mind-numbing trivia he’d been handed by his boss wouldn’t get the point across. He loaded extra legal pads and pens into his briefcase knowing he’d want to rewrite and refine his thoughts into digestible chunks for the brain-trust that was the state’s congress.

The train ride was uneventful, the scenery passing by in midwinter shades of ice and river. Rafael ignored it as he wrote notes and bullet points and tried to distill the cold facts in the binder into something relatable and humanized. 

When he finally disembarked the train, he was greeted by bell ringing Santas and garlands of fake evergreen and holly. Christmas cheer was everywhere. He’d grown accustomed to the holiday décor in his home city, able to block it out for the most part, but here it seemed almost assaulting to his senses. He found the taxi line and gave the name of the hotel, his thoughts turned inward.

At the hotel Rafael gave his name and confirmation number and was passed a swipe card in a cardboard sleeve with his room number written on it, the girl behind the desk looking puzzled until the confirmation number confirmed his reservation. 

He stopped in the hotel bar and ordered a bottle of scotch for his room, paying with cash and refusing a receipt because he knew he’d never get that one past his office accountant, but he wasn’t going to put up with miniscule bottles of scotch from the mini-bar either. He tipped the barkeep and continued on to his room, towing his rolling suitcase and briefcase behind him. The bottle of scotch beat him to the room, the runner from the hotel staff waiting for him in the hall outside as he exited the elevator. He tipped and thanked the young man and closed the door behind himself, finding two double beds, a large flatscreen television, a table with two chairs, and no minibar. There was a full size coffee maker on the low dresser and he grinned, even if it wasn’t good coffee, because what hotel room provided good coffee, at least it was a generous amount. He flung his suitcase on the farthest bed, sat his briefcase and scotch on the table and went looking for a glass, which he found in the bathroom. He unpacked the tablets and pens and binder from his briefcase and settled in to complete his thoughts on the presentation he’d give whenever the legislature got around to calling him.

Back in the city, Olivia was wrapping up her workday. A call came in but Amaro waved her off, joining Fin to take it.

“If you miss your train we’ll all pay for it, Liv, don’t sweat it,” Fin said.

“Thanks, that was kinda my plan.”

“Too late, see ya next week,” Fin said with a wave as he disappeared toward the elevator with Amaro.

Olivia sighed and hit the button to print the paperwork she’d finished. She took it from the printer, stapled it and filed it. Finally ready, she took the rolling suitcase from where she’d stashed it in the corner and put on her coat to face the cold outdoors. 

Her train ride was two hours and change of quiet strangers and frozen vistas of countryside. She used her time to make some notes about things she could talk about in front of the legislators, important ways this project could help them help the people of New York state better and more efficiently. She wondered if there would be a question-and-answer session. She knew her time was limited and wondered if she should plan part of her speaking time for it or if that was something allotted its own time. Olivia thought about looking up information on the internet about it but decided she could wait until she got to the hotel. She had a laptop in her suitcase and could more than likely get an internet connection once she was comfortably in her room.

The train reached Albany after dark, still early evening but the Winter sun was long gone. Olivia found a cab and gave the name of the hotel, watching out the window as the car passed street after street of holiday lights and hurrying shoppers with piles of bags and packages just like a sappy made for television holiday movie. She smiled a little, thinking that it would be kind of cute and funny if she weren’t alone in a cab, alone altogether during Christmas. It wasn’t a season made for orphans and single people, not at all. She shook off that thought as the taxi came to a stop under the portico of the hotel. She paid the driver and pushed her suitcase out and followed it. 

At the lobby desk she gave her name and the confirmation number, receiving in return a keycard in a cardboard sleeve with the room number written on it. She pulled her suitcase along to the elevator and ignored the instrumental versions of holiday songs on the overhead speakers.

At the door of her room she swiped the card and pushed the door open, pulling her suitcase in and shutting the door behind her. She turned and saw the room was occupied.

“What the hell?” they both asked at the same moment, then laughed.

“No really, what the actual hell, Barba?” Olivia stood in the little entryway of the room next to the door to the bathroom and the open closet area where suits and a coat were hanging.

“I have no idea, Detective.” Rafael had stood when the door opened, then felt frozen in place when he recognized the woman pulling her suitcase in after herself. Repeating her question did not unstick him from his position by the table.

“First of all, why wasn’t the safety lock in place?” Olivia turned around and flipped the safety bar into the locked position. She turned back, “Second of all, why are we sharing a room and third, or maybe second and a half, why wasn’t I told?” Olivia leaned her suitcase against the wall and shrugged out of her coat, tossing it on the nearest bed that was empty of anything, whereas the far bed had Rafael’s suit jacket on it. “I wasn’t even told you’d be here, are we both addressing the budget people?”

Rafael held up the binder of boring his boss had given him and Olivia pulled the matching one from her bag.

“Would have been nice if they’d given us a heads up, we could have coordinated, maybe presented a united front, at least gotten separate rooms.” Olivia let the binder fall on the bed next to her coat and the messenger bag she was using to carry the binder and her notes as well as the books she’d brought to read in her downtime.

Rafael put his own binder on the desk, then opened the rings and removed the first page. He brought it over and opened Olivia’s binder to compare the numbers under the heading ‘Reservation Confirmation’, and they matched. “Well, it’s got to be a mistake, they must have booked us two rooms and put the same number on both sheets by mistake.” He went back to the far bed, sitting down and picking up the room phone’s receiver. He punched buttons and waited.

“Hi, yes, this is Rafael Barba in room four-twelve, and there seems to have been a mix up in our reservations. We needed two single rooms and we’ve got one double. Could you check on that for me? Thanks.”

Rafael listened, then held the receiver out from his ear and looked at it like it had bitten him, he put it back to his ear, “Hello?” He sat the receiver back in place on top of the room phone.

“Let’s go down there and see if we can get better help in person.” Rafael reached across the bed and opened Olivia’s binder, removed the front page and folded it with his and slipped it into his suit jacket pocket before shrugging into the jacket and picking up his room keycard. Olivia slipped her own keycard into the cardboard sleeve and stashed it in her pocket. They were quiet as they took the elevator to the lobby.

The elevator doors opened to chaos.

“This was most definitely not happening when I arrived, however long ago that was.” Olivia looked around in dismay as Rafael put his hand on her back to escort her toward the sign-in desk.

The lobby was filled with Santas, Mrs. Santas, assorted elves, a guy in a reindeer head, a gaunt man in a hooded robe who might have been some kind of Saint Nicholas or Father Christmas, somebody in a blinged out Elvis jumpsuit in red and green with his possibly fake white hair in a pompadour and huge sunglasses that had blinking lights around the frames, more Santas, and in the back something rather hideous that might have been a Krampus costume. The girl behind the lobby counter was speaking calmly, phone receiver forgotten in her hand but there was panic behind her eyes and stiff smile. Three different Santas were yelling for her attention at the counter and the rest of the crowd was pushing forward, not quiet and not calm.

Olivia turned to Rafael, “Go behind the counter and act like you belong there, then find out where the hell Security is.” She took three long steps forward and put her fingers in her mouth like she was whistling for a cab on a busy New York street. The sound pierced the noise of the crowd and suddenly all eyes were on her and silence finally reigned. 

Olivia pulled her jacket back to flash her badge knowing nobody was close enough to see that it was an NYPD issue, then let her jacket fall back in place to cover it. “The spirit of the season is NOT to overwhelm the hotel staff. Single file line people, and wait your turn.” Olivia’s voice held authority and she didn’t have to yell to get them to comply. 

Santas and elves and all the rest queued up politely and there was no more yelling as keycards were handed over and the crowd slowly dwindled to nothing after half an hour. Rafael had returned to her side and they watched from near the door to the bar as newly registered guests meekly took their keycards and dispersed to the elevator or stairs.

When the lobby was at last empty, they approached the registration desk. The young woman behind the counter was putting up a good front, but her hands were shaking just a little, her eyes a little bit teary.

“I’m so sorry, thank you for helping. What can I do to help you?”

“Is there someone you can call so you can have a break?” Olivia asked her, instead of answering her question.

The girl shook her head, “We’re shorthanded. I still can’t get Security to answer and…” her voice trailed off.

“It’s ok, take some deep breaths, it’s over now and we all survived the attack of the drunken North Pole or whatever that was.” Olivia smiled and the girl sighed, giving her a watery smile in return. Rafael was quiet, watching Olivia do her magic.

The receptionist took a few deep breaths, her head down. When she looked up at them again, she had regained her calm and smiled, a much more sure smile this time. “Ok, for real this time, how can I help?”

Olivia gave her an encouraging nod, a small smile on her lips. “It seems like we might have accidentally been booked in the same room, our bosses arranged this and we might have lost a room somewhere in the mix.” Olivia explained the matching confirmation numbers and asked if the reservation might have been for two rooms.

She looked the number up, reading it off the pair of papers Rafael handed her and looked at them in confusion. “This reservation was phoned in on Tuesday, we’d had a cancelation, so the reservation was taken but only for this one room, and, well, not for you?” Her voice raised in question and she turned the computer monitor toward them so they could clearly see a reservation for one double room in the names Ralf Barber and Oliver Benson. Olivia cracked up and Rafael closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a pained sound from the back of his throat.

Rafael washed his hand down his face and looked up at the receptionist, pointedly ignoring the detective still trying to stifle chuckles next to him. He looked at her name tag and then looked back into her concerned eyes. “Marion, I am Rafael Barba, an assistant district attorney in Manhattan and this,” he gestured at Olivia, “is Detective Olivia Benson from the Manhattan SVU. And this,” he circled a finger at the offending, to him at least, reservation. Olivia was still grinning like she might lose it again any minute, mirth bubbling behind her eyes and threatening to burst from her throat once more. “This,” Rafael continued, “is what happens when my assistant is away from the office with a family emergency. She would not have allowed this kind of mess to happen. Now if we could just get a second room, I will pay for it and my boss can approve the added cost because obviously he needs to pay for something.”

“But, sir, that’s the thing. We have no more rooms.” She shrugged unhappily. “What with the holidays and the conventions, we were the overflow for the Yuletide Now convention being held down the block and we sold out months ago.” She cringed a little, remembering the disaster just barely averted thanks to these two helpful souls. “I’m so sorry, I can try some of the other hotels, some of the smaller venues might have a room free for a night?”

Olivia put her hand on Rafael’s elbow, he looked at her and she shook her head the smallest bit, looking then to Marion. “It’s ok, we’re grown ups and there are two beds. We have business in town and a presentation to prepare. It won’t be the first late night we’ve spent.”

“But we don’t usually conduct late night work in bedrooms and pajamas,” Rafael grumbled. 

“Oh come on, I promise to keep one foot on the floor at all times and I’ll sleep in my badge.”

Rafael chuckled at the look on Marion’s face, she was obviously too young to remember sitcoms where married couples slept in separate beds, hell for that matter he and Olivia should be, too. They’d watched too many black and white reruns on tv as kids, Rafael thought to himself. 

“What happens in Albany, stays in Albany, right Marion?” Rafael gave her a half grin and a wicked eyebrow raise. Marion blushed a little and grinned shyly.

“I can comp some meals, if that would help?”

“That’s ok, Marion, we’ll order the best steaks on the menu and make our bosses ok it later. They deserve it, for so many reasons.” Olivia gave Rafael a side-eye as she said that and saw him nod once, his own glance to her confirming the pact.

“Let’s go do that now, it’s past dinner time.”

“It’s always time to eat for you, Rafa. Or should I say Ralf?”

“Don’t. Ever.” He glared.

Olivia laughed and took his arm, leading him toward the elevators. “You can call me Oliver.”

“Not. Ever. Going. To. Happen.”

Marion watched them go, thinking they looked so sweet, bickering like a long-married couple. She pulled a drawer open and removed some cards, then called the kitchen.

When they got back to the room it seemed they’d be sharing for the next two nights, they did order room service. Rafael asked if it would be possible to get extra coffee to make in the room as well as some actual cream or milk for it. He was assured that it would be possible. While they awaited dinner he cleared his notebooks from the desk and Olivia unpacked and hung her outfits in the open closet as well as her overcoat. She hung the jacket she was wearing and kicked her shoes off onto the floor of the closet. She placed her badge and keycard on the shared nightstand between the beds and stashed her messenger bag between the nightstand and her designated bed. Olivia saw Rafael watching her with a brow raised in question.

“My weapon is secured in the bag, can’t go packing heat on the train now can I?”

“Wouldn’t it be better on the door side of the room, since that is more likely where you’d need it? Unless of course you’re implying I’m more dangerous than what’s outside the door?”

“I don’t sleep on that side of the bed. And I’d never imply anything,” Olivia gave him a little half grin, “I’d tell you straight up if I thought you were a danger to me.”

Rafael gave her a grumpy sound from the back of his throat, sounding like Scrooge about to proclaim ‘bah humbug’, and turned to finish clearing the table so they could eat when dinner arrived.

‘What the hell, Barba,’ Olivia thought to herself, wondering why he was again so out of sorts. Maybe he was still upset that someone somewhere had butchered his name, or that she’d laughed so hard. Well, damn.

“Rafael, I’m sorry,” Olivia said and watched as he stilled, his back to her. “I shouldn’t have found it so funny. I had kind of a stressful day and then this mix up with the room, and that shitshow in the lobby, I was inappropriate, laughing at our names being so fucked up, but honestly at that point it was kind of laugh or cry and I picked comic relief over polite. I apologize.”

Olivia didn’t curse that often, Rafael knew. That she did so tonight, so casually, likely meant she was in fact pretty damn stressed. He turned to face her and saw the concern and genuine regret and he felt bad for making her feel that.

“Olivia, honestly, it’s not that big a deal, and it probably is pretty funny. When we get back to the city we can change it a bit and do a comedy routine as Stan and Ollie.”

Olivia relaxed and smiled, “What fine kettle of fish am I pickling you in this time, Stan?” 

“The one where we find out which of us snores louder, Ollie.” 

Olivia laughed and there was a knock at the door. Rafael smiled at her and headed to the door before she could stand and go there herself. He looked through the fisheye lens and confirmed it was a member of the staff then slid the bolt off and opened the door, swinging it wide so the young man, the same one that delivered his scotch, could wheel in a very large cart. He went to the table and unloaded several covered dishes, then sat a covered tray on the low dresser next to the coffeemaker. He then returned to the cart, took another tray off the bottom tier and put it on the other side of the coffee pot. He handed Rafael an envelope and smiled at them both, pulling the wheeled cart from the room. Rafael went after him before he could get all the way out the door.

“Wait for your tip,” Rafael said quietly.

“It’s ok, sir, Marion is a special friend, we appreciate what you both did for her tonight.” The young man nodded to them in turn, then slipped away, letting the door swing shut behind him. Rafael went and slid the bolt in place and turned to Olivia, meeting her puzzled expression with his own.

“What on earth?” Olivia said as she started taking the lids off the dishes on the table and Rafael opened the envelope he’d been handed as he crossed the room. 

“We hope you won’t mind the upgrades,” Rafael read off the note in the envelope, folded inside the note was a gift certificate to a restaurant in town. It was generous and would likely be more than they could spend in one meal. Rafael continued to the table to show Olivia and saw what she had been exclaiming about. Rather than the Filet Mignon and New York Strip they’d ordered, there were plates filled with Prime Rib and generous portions of the sides they’d ordered as well as a basket of warm bread. They moved to the dresser and under those lids they found not the glass of Cabernet Olivia ordered but an entire bottle of good wine, not the most expensive on the menu but a cut above what she’d ordered. There was also a bottle of scotch, again a good label even if not the best of the top shelf. There were two wine glasses, two rocks glasses, and a bowl of ice with tongs along side. There was a tray filled with not just the desserts they ordered but a selection of desserts that may well be one of everything available. Last there was a basket filled with half a dozen prepackaged portions of coffee for their maker, a good brand, and a quart of cold half and half, unopened. Under the coffee Olivia found dozen after dozen of liquid coffee creamers in all sorts of fancy flavours. Tucked in was another note, unsigned. It said, ‘thank you again’.

“This is way too much, we can’t accept this.”

“If we don’t it gets thrown out,” Rafael said. “But I agree this is over the top. Tomorrow at lunch we’ll take the gift certificate to the restaurant and give it back. Compromise?”

Olivia nodded. “I can live with that.”

“Good, because I’m starved.”

“You should have planned for snacks on the train, Counsellor.”

“I had snacks but I was preoccupied. And then I got here and there was some kind of Yuletide Invasion. I’ve been too busy to eat.”

“That has to be a first.” Olivia grinned as they sat down and dug into the feast on the small table.

At first they talked about how good the food was, beef so tender they didn’t need a knife to cut it, sides that melted in their mouths, everything perfect. Eventually they started talking about their presentation. Not surprisingly neither of them were impressed by the dry literature they’d been provided, the same stack of information that the politicians they’d be addressing the next day would have had for several weeks to review.

“We have to help them see that all these dry facts are actually people that need help,” Rafael said, pushing his plate to the side. He clasped his hands together in front of him on the table, leaning forward. “It does no good to tell them that hundreds of rape kits go untested every month or that nearly thirtyfive-hundred kits need tested every year, those numbers aren’t going to seem real. We need to make them see the human side of the issue.”

“I couldn’t agree more, reducing it all down to numbers might make it fit in those binders,” Olivia waved at the mass of notebooks and the two black binders across the room, “but it doesn’t show how we could be finding offenders faster and before they commit more crimes if we had a centralized database of information, the basis of which is tested kits, tested in a timely manner, and tested whether a trial is pending or not.”

“We’re on the same page, as usual,” Rafael said. “How do we get them on that page with us?”

Rafael cleared their dinner plates, empty now, onto a tray left by the kitchen delivery and sat it outside the hotel room door, noting that there were Santas and elves and parts of reindeer wandering the halls. It seemed there was a progressive party, or perhaps a party-room crawl going on if the open doors and noise were anything to go by. Some of the doors were decorated now, garish or gala, there was spirit in the air, either seasonal or soused, it got difficult to tell. He closed and locked the door quickly lest a stray Santa want in looking for milk and cookies or continued boozy cheer. He wasn’t sharing and that was that.

When he crossed to the table again he found Olivia had stacked his notebooks and binder at his chair and had her own notes open and her own black binder open. He sat down and they got to work.

Several hours passed and several times they were disturbed by knocks on the door. They took turns telling the holiday revelers, politely, to go away.

“Maybe we should tape up a sign that says ‘out of figgy pudding, go the hell away’,” Olivia suggested after the latest knock, which they would have ignored but the party-goers rarely just stopped knocking and went away on their own.

Rafael grinned at her and got up, opening his briefcase and taking out a small clear-tape dispenser. He found the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and opened the door, taping it at eye level so nobody could possibly miss it. He shut and relocked the door. “Maybe I should have drawn a couple of reindeer celebrating the season to make sure they don’t knock?” He gave her a wicked eyebrow raise and Olivia laughed. 

“God no, they’d take it as an excuse for a shivaree.”

“A what now?” Rafael sat back down at the table.

“It’s where the guests at a wedding would visit the place where the newlywed couple were spending their wedding night and make noise and sing and throw things, generally creating a riot to encourage the couple on their, ah, journey to wedded bliss.” Olivia grinned, “It’s likely why modern newlyweds leave for their honeymoon immediately after the cake is finished.”

“Barbaric.”

“Well, it’s a few hundred years old.”

“Huh, well let’s hope there are no newlyweds on this floor that the crowd will feel like serenading with catcalls. But speaking of cake,” Rafael’s eyes slid to the tray of desserts, “we deserve a break, right?”

“Hells yeah.” Olivia stood and Rafael followed, then they both looked at the table covered in legal pads, one that Olivia had commandeered from Rafael to rewrite her notes and take more in, and his two covered in his notes, both of their black binders now had sticky notes poking out at various points. Olivia looked up at Rafael, “I think we are going to have to be all decadent and have dessert in bed or we’ll ruin our system here.” He nodded. “Go over and sit down, I’ll bring the goods,” she nodded at the bed, his had his briefcase open on it and his suit jacket that he’d taken off again. He went to the other bed and sat.

Olivia picked up the tray and turned, “Sit up against the headboard, will ya?” Rafael moved as she bid. She handed him the tray and sat across from him tailor fashion, then took the tray and sat it between them, handing him a fork and taking the other for herself. “Let’s try them all to see what we like.” By some unspoken agreement they each tasted a corner from the widest part of each of the dozen kinds of cake on the tray. “Mmm, better have some more of that Tiramisu or I’m gonna eat it all,” she said after they’d tried and compared them, discussing the textures and tastes, rating them from favourite to nope. 

“I’m all about that chocolate one there,” he pointed out the dark chocolate with some kind of coffee buttercream frosting. 

Olivia laughed, “Of course, coffee, yes. Have at it, it’s good but not as good as this,” she lifted the Tiramisu and had another bite.

Rafael lifted the plate and took a bite. He contemplated the wisdom of the question he wanted to ask her for a few bites and finally sat the unfinished cake down. “Is anyone likely to, ah, misconstrue our not-so-lost-not-weekend in Albany?” He watched her face as she listened to him, she gave nothing away.

“I’m not dating anyone, if that’s what you’re asking, Mr. Subtle.”

“Sorry, I didn’t intend to pry, I just wanted to make sure, not to cause a problem…” His voice drifted to silence and Olivia put her plate back on the tray, disturbed by the sudden inarticulateness of someone that always had the right words in the right combination to get his point across. Sometimes those words were quiet and cut as smooth as the thinnest razor blade and sometimes his words were a body-slam, but he always had words at the ready.

Olivia studied him a little closer, easier now that he was sitting cross-legged with his hands idle, palms up on his thighs. He’d taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, a look she’d seen often in his office or hers as they worked. His head was bent slightly down so she could see the crown of his head. Rafael’s hair was a little longer than he usually kept it, she was surprised to see that there was the slightest bit of curl to it, something she’d never noticed. Without looking up he continued talking quietly, “I never thought Cassidy was idiot enough to let you go.”

“It was mutual, we just didn’t fit anymore.” Olivia’s voice was equally quiet. “We still love each other, we just were never IN love. We’re friends, not forever.” She shrugged, whether Rafael would see it or not. 

“I’m sorry, Liv.” He still didn’t look up.

“Breaking up with Brian was nothing to do with you, I promise.”

He did look up then and for a flash of an instant she saw pain and loathing and sorrow in his eyes, quickly shuttered. She wondered what the hell was going on and he tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling as if reading answers there or seeing though the floors and floors of hotel above them and into the eternity of the cosmos.

“Liv,” he didn’t look down at her, still looking up, “your life would be a lot less fucked up if not for me and my failures. And instead of making it up to you I compounded it by lashing out when you needed support most. I failed you at every turn and it kills me that you can’t see that I’m poison for you and instead you are making light of this godforsaken mess. You still act friendly when you should be getting away as fast as you can.”

Olivia got up and slid the tray of cake to the other bed and sat again, mirroring Rafael’s cross-legged position, her knees brushing his, but instead of keeping her hands in her lap she gently put her palms over his, not gripping, just resting there, her fingers light on the pulse at his wrists. His head was still back and his eyes closed now.

“It’s true you can be a complete jackass. But I’m a ball busting bitch, so we’re pretty even.” Her voice was light. Rafael moved his head, looking at her now, but his eyes were quiet, another thing Olivia couldn’t remember ever seeing before. Usually, his eyes told her so many things, sparkling with humor or a private joke. In the courtroom he would look over his shoulder at her and she’d see the success there as he won a case, sometimes there was dismay when a jury went off the rails and let an offender go. But there was always something there, some sign or signal that she could hold onto. Right now, he was barely there and she wondered how long that had been going on.

“Rafael, none of this shit is your fault. None of it is my fault either. We make choices and sometimes they aren’t the best choices, like moving in with Brian wasn’t my most shining moment, nor was it his, but we came out the other side better for it.” She took a deep breath and continued, knowing that ripping this bandage off might hurt them both, but then again, maybe there was just a scar there now and it might hurt when it rained, but maybe it wasn’t a bleeding wound anymore and they both needed to know if it was. “You did everything you could within the law to stop Lewis from doing more damage to the world. Short of shooting him in the street, there was no way any of us was going to keep him from wreaking havoc in whatever way he wanted. You need to understand that. You need to own that knowledge in the deepest part of your heart and your soul. There was nothing we could do.” There was that rage and loathing again, the sorrow lasted a little longer, then it was gone and he gave her eyes as empty as stone on the cold Winter beach.

Olivia sighed, kept her eyes steady on his, knowing that a year ago or even six months ago it would have likely been impossible for her, but she felt good in the world, she wanted him to step onto a road to somewhere better as well. “Rafael, you gotta let go of whatever this is. Whatever you did or imagine you did, whatever damage you are taking responsibility for that was never yours to start with, you have to let that shit go.” She gave him a small smile, an encouraging smile. “It doesn’t matter that he didn’t rape me, I heard him do it to another woman and it was just as devastating as if it were me, it was as damaging because I knew I was next. He hurt me in so many ways and on so many levels, I thought I had lost my mind. But I didn’t. I knew there were people out there looking for me. I knew even if I was alone with him I wasn’t ever really alone, deep down I knew I could beat him and find a way back to me, with help from those same people who would find me. And it didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t happen easy. I have had to work for it. It was worth it though, it’s always worth it to beat the bad guys, maybe especially the bad guys in our own lives.” She wrapped her fingers around his hands now, palm to palm and her fingers gently gripping the backs of his hands, “You are not one of those bad guys, Rafa, you are good. And if we fight and yell and argue, well, we laugh almost as much. We work together to help others. We use our own past to make things better now. And you have to make it better for you, too.” 

Olivia watched his eyes, desperate to see light again there. “You aren’t helping me or you by killing yourself with guilt, there is nothing I need to forgive you for but I will if it helps you forgive yourself for whatever you imagine you’ve done.”

She sat, holding his hands and looking in his eyes, waiting. When he finally spoke it was very quietly, but he never broke eye contact and he let her hold his hands though he never made a move to reciprocate. She figured that was progress enough. “Olivia, I am sorry for all the things that happened and how angry I was, it wasn’t at you though you got targeted, I said things I shouldn’t have and I couldn’t tell you I didn’t mean them because I couldn’t see past that anger for a while.”

“I think we both know that the people closest to us are the easiest targets.”

Rafael nodded, his head falling to the side as it sometimes did when he spoke to her as if rueful, “Unhappy childhoods make for wise adulthoods.”

“Sometimes,” she nodded, “so let’s let it go. Can it be a stepping stone instead of dead weight?”

He nodded, his voice very soft, his hands finally gripping hers in return, “I’m tired of drowning.”

The next morning Olivia woke to the smell of fresh coffee. She opened her eyes and for a groggy moment couldn’t remember where she was or why. When the dim room came into focus she saw Rafael at the table typing on her laptop that she’d set up the night before. He’d moved the lamp from the dresser to the table and was working hard on something, likely their presentation.

“Good morning?”

He looked over, smiled at her and nodded. “So far. Coffee’s ready. I was trying to let you sleep in, we have hours yet. Sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t, thanks anyway.” She saw he had already showered, his hair was damp still and he was dressed in suit pants and a tee-shirt, his suspenders hanging down past the chair where he sat, he hadn’t put on his dress shirt yet, he was wearing purple and blue striped socks, the sight made Olivia smile.

When Olivia emerged from the bath showered and dressed, Rafael had put on his white shirt and his suspenders were in place, purple she noted. He was wearing a dark blue tie and she knew his pocket square would match. She wondered how many drawers it took for his collection of ties and suspenders and whatnot. He was pulling his vest into place and looked up as he buttoned it.

“I didn’t mean to colour-coordinate,” she was wearing a blue blouse and dark slacks. Her socks were plain black though, she wondered if she should find better socks, it made her smile to imagine asking where he got his collection. “We could be the Bobbsey Twins.”

“Or we could be a college debate team,” he finished buttoning his vest and smiled. “Besides, who knows the Bobbsey twins these days.”

“Anybody with a library card, that’s who.”

“You give our elected officials too much credit, I bet not one of them owns a book let alone a library card.”

Olivia poured herself some coffee and looked over the remaining cake, selecting one for breakfast and joined Rafael at the table where he’d pushed the laptop aside to make room for his own coffee.

“I never thought you were a cynic.”

“I prefer to think of myself as a realist,” he lifted his coffee cup as if toasting her. “It leads to less disappointment.”

“Huh, if you say so, Rafael.” She turned the laptop so she could see what he’d been working on.

“I went ahead and put our combined notes together. If we are lucky enough to find a business center in this hotel, we can print it out and look so very professional.”

“Here’s hoping.” 

They printed off the notes Rafael had typed using a computer and printer in a tiny office area set aside for guests. Rafael gave a copy to Olivia and kept one for himself then slid the thumb drive into his briefcase and they were ready for the day. The day was not entirely ready for them and they found themselves sidelined in a waiting area. Olivia found a comfortable couch and pulled a book from her bag, settling in to read and wait. Rafael was restless, pacing and going over in his head the points he wanted to make. He finally joined Olivia on the couch she had made her own and sighed. She wordlessly pulled a book from her bag and handed it to him.

“This is what you read for recreation?”

She looked up and grinned. “Yes, I like reading about nice neat mysteries that are easily solved in five hundred pages or less. It’s a change from how messy and unresolved real life is.” She returned to reading her Lee Child novel, the adventures of Jack Reacher distracting her from the boring waiting.

Rafael shrugged and opened the book she’d handed him. It was a mystery featuring a guy named Jesse Stone and he was sucked in quickly.

A page came to inform everyone that lunch had been called, instructing them that they had an hour and a half free. They were invited to use the canteen on the main floor if they didn’t want to go elsewhere. Olivia and Rafael went downstairs and outside to find that snow had started falling. There were already several inches covering the streets and sidewalks, frosting the trees into white sculptures and blanketing everything with cold. They got lucky and found a cab quickly, the restaurant wasn’t far.

Inside they asked for the manager and were escorted to a door that was marked ‘staff only’. It was opened to their knock by a handsome older gentleman who gave them a smile and invited them in.

“You must be ADA Barba and Detective Benson. I’m Joseph Cantavale, but you can call me Joe. Can I get you some coffee?” he waved them in and toward a group of chairs on one side of the room. He looked them over as they sat down. The man was good looking in a dark charcoal three piece suit and black coat, the lady a looker in a black suit and dark blue blouse, her long Winter coat black, and her no-nonsense attitude would have him peg her as a cop anywhere. He turned to the sideboard and poured coffee without waiting for their answer, it was cold outside and they needed the coffee even if they hadn’t planned to take it. He handed them mugs and went back for his own, bringing a small tray with cream and sugar with him. He sat it all on the coffee table in front of them, then sat himself and smiled.

“I own this fine establishment, but in my former life I was a patrol officer, my daughter is Marion.” He sipped his coffee, “I appreciate you helping her last night.” How he recognized them became clear.

“Then you understand why we can’t possibly accept this generous gift, as much as we appreciate the offer.” Olivia smiled to soften the refusal. Rafael took the gift certificate from his pocket and laid it on the table.

“I know it’s frowned on, but could you instead agree to have dinner with a friend?” At their doubtful looks he reached over and disappeared the paper into his pocket. “It would be my honour to have you join me tonight.”

“We could get away with that, I think?” Rafael looked at Olivia, who nodded.

“Sure, dinner with a new friend is more than ok.”

“That’s settled then, how about seven, too late or too early?” Joe asked.

“Seven is fine,” Rafael said.

“Fantastic, then how about lunch? You have time for some soup or a burger before you have to be somewhere?”

“We are on our lunch break,” Olivia said.

Joe went to his desk and picked up the phone, telling whoever answered that he needed menus and a server. Shortly there was a knock and a young man came in with menus and waited while they decided, then he left and Joe invited them to join him at a table so they took their coffee and the three of them sat and visited while waiting for lunch. 

The afternoon was as uneventful as the morning, sitting in the waiting area with others also in line to be called to talk to the elected officials gathered in the capitol. At five another page came and told them to return the next day. Outside the snow had continued falling and the streets were becoming a mess. The sidewalks were being cleared but the snow on the lawn was well past mid-calf, there would be highway closings soon.

In their hotel room they found the beds freshly made and a pile of clean towels in the bath. On the table sat a basket filled with fruit and snacks, the empty dishes had been cleared away and clear wrap was on the cake they hadn’t eaten, napkins and clean forks had been added to the tray as well as clean coffee mugs. 

“They can mess up my reservations anytime if this is how they compensate,” Rafael grinned as he peeled an orange and offered some to Olivia. She took a slice, sweet and juicy, and smiled in return.

“Not terrible, that’s for sure.”

They turned the television on to a local channel to find that indeed the roads had been closed and even the trains were having trouble, the countryside outside of the city had been hit earlier and hard by the storm. Rafael got on the phone with his office, Olivia did the same. They were going to be trapped in Albany longer than they thought. Olivia called down to the lobby to find out about extending their stay and found Marion was on shift again. She assured Olivia that there had been cancellations and offered to find them a second room. Rafael was on his third call so Olivia told Marion not to bother, they’d survived so far. If he wanted a private room he could call for one.

After their dinner out they returned to the hotel to find that the North Pole had taken over the hotel bar, but much more peacefully than the evening before.

“I was going to ask if you’d like a nightcap but I’m not sure I want to battle through Rudolph and the troops there,” Rafael nodded at the raucous goings on in the lounge. 

“Nope, you’re just going to have to share your scotch upstairs.”

“Not a hardship, I assure you,” Rafael said as he led Olivia to the elevator.

They talked for a long time over several drinks, about their childhoods and college years, about doomed crushes and first loves, about the parents they didn’t have anymore and Rafael’s mom who was still alive and his grandmother who helped raise him. They got into pajamas and slipped into their beds, still talking, laughing at the funny stories and commiserating with the sad. They turned off the lights, still talking until sleepy.

“This was a good night, Rafa,” Olivia said.

“Yes, it was.”

“I’d like to have more of them.”

“Ok.”

“Goodnight, Rafa.”

He heard her breathing even out and knew she was asleep when he whispered, “Goodnight, Liv.”

It was very dark when Olivia opened her eyes, and very quiet. She lay still trying to determine what had woken her. She could hear Rafael in the other bed, his breathing even but not sleeping deep so she risked a whisper, “You awake, too?”

“Yeah.”

“Everything ok?”

“I think so. Electric is out.” She could hear a clicking, Rafael demonstrating the lack of lights by switching the lamp on.

“City kids wake up when it’s too quiet, I guess.”

“Must be.” There was rustling and then the sound of the curtains being slid back. The night didn’t give much illumination, but Olivia could make out Rafael returning to bed and sliding under the covers. “Heat’s off as well but it should take a while to cool down. Hopefully, the power will be back on before it gets too cold inside.”

“I’m hunkering down for a long Winter’s nap, then.”

Rafael just chuckled and watched the window for it to lighten up enough to read by, which could be a while since his phone told him it was not yet five in the morning. He listened to Olivia’s breathing deepen back into sleep.

Much later Olivia woke again, it was cooler in the room but not yet cold. She slipped from bed and headed to the bath, wondering where Rafael had gotten to. When she emerged from the bath he was still missing and she went to the table, contemplating breakfast since there was still cake as well as a basket of snacks. On top of the basket was a note in his neat writing: ‘Gone to forage for hot coffee. Budget Session Cancelled until January. What fun. ~R.’

Olivia went to the closet and dug into her suitcase for a sweatshirt which she pulled on over her pajama pants and tee-shirt, then pulled out a clean pair of socks and took them to the bed where she sat and pulled them on. She moved to the table with her paperback and sat down to eat one of the oranges from the basket and continued reading her book.

A knock came at the door and Olivia got up and looked through the lens to see Rafael on the other side, she opened the door about to ask why he’d knocked when it became obvious why, his arms were full.

“I found a little store with a generator, so I was able to acquire coffee for us and some sandwiches for later as well as additional snacks. While I was passing through the lobby, I asked for extra blankets and they just handed me one,” Rafael explained as he deposited his burdens with help from Olivia.

There was another knock at the door and a voice called out, “Housekeeping.”

Olivia went to the door again, this time seeing pair of hotel cleaning ladies with a cart. She opened the door and greeted them, welcoming them inside. The women bustled through, replacing used towels and efficiently stripping the beds and replacing sheets. The younger one asked the elder which bed the extra blanket should go on and Rafael and Olivia gave each other amused looks when the elder told the younger to ask if she really wanted to know which bed they were sleeping in, making the younger girl blush. The conversation was in Spanish which both Rafael and Olivia were fluent in, for different reasons.

“Would it be possible to get a second extra blanket?” Olivia asked in Spanish. “I don’t want to have to beat my co-worker up to get it from him, but I will if I have to.”

The older cleaning lady laughed and sent the second, who was still blushing and quiet, to get another blanket for them. When she returned they made the beds up with extra blankets and Olivia and Rafael visited with them as they finished cleaning what they could without any electric help. 

After the cleaners left, Rafael gave Olivia the largest insulated coffee mug she’d ever seen, full of still hot coffee. He had one for himself as well. They shared the table for breakfast. Rafael checked the train schedule on his phone but the trains still weren’t running. The snow hadn’t stopped but the town certainly had, and with the electricity out, it was likely they were stuck for a while longer.

Rafael was restless, alternating pacing and staring out the window at the snow. He changed back into his own pajamas and paced some more. They ate sandwiches for lunch with the last of their coffee and Olivia handed him the book he’d been reading the day before, hoping he’d take the hint and settle before he drove her up the wall. The room continued to cool and Rafael alternated pacing and staring out the window, occasionally stopping to read a few pages, then popping out of the chair to start the cycle over again. 

“You’re making me crazy, Rafa.”

He stopped and looked at Olivia, sitting calmly, her finished paperback on the table in front of her. “Sorry, Liv.” He sat across from her and gave her half a smile. “Feelin’ kind of caged up.” She only nodded.

“Gonna be dark soon.”

“And for a long time.” Olivia gave Rafael a puzzled look so he continued, “It’s the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, the longest night.”

“And here we are, trapped in a hotel with no lights. Joy.”

“Not entirely without.” Rafael got up and went to the shopping bag he’d brought in. He pulled out more sandwiches and then two large glass jar candles and a lighter. “These were on the mark down shelf, so the choices were slim. You can have,” he looked at the jars more closely, “Lilac or something called Sea Breeze. I thought one in the bath would be good so we don’t trip and die on the cold tile, and another for out here. It’s not enough to read by but will, again, keep us from tripping on anything and killing ourselves.”

“Thinking ahead, good deal. I think Sea Breeze sounds like a bathroom scent.” Olivia got up and joined him at the dresser, taking the candle and lighter and going into the bath and shutting the door. She flicked the lighter and set the flame to the wick and the tiny flame reflected in the mirror over the counter, giving a surprising amount of light. She took care of business and washed with cold water, shivering a bit. It wasn’t frigid in the hotel room, but was edging into uncomfortable for a snowy afternoon. She took the lighter back out to the table where Rafael had sat out sandwiches and had the scotch ready to pour. He lifted the bottle to her and she nodded. He poured for them both as she sat across from him.

“Thanks for lunch, and dinner. Can I give you cash?”

Rafael shook his head, still chewing. When he swallowed he answered, “Nope, billing my boss. Price of sending me off with a day’s notice.”

“Sounds legit,” Olivia chuckled.

“Sorry I’ve been terrible company today,” Rafael said.

“It’s alright, really. Did you have plans?” Olivia realized that sounded prying and tried to walk it back. “I mean, not my business, just I hope you aren’t missing out on something…” she trailed off, suddenly sure she couldn’t get out of the corner she’d verbally painted herself into.

“Fair question,” Rafael said, “I asked you nearly the same. And no, my only plans were to work. I haven’t dated in,” he stopped because he knew she would likely correctly construe what he nearly admitted. He hadn’t dated since he’d transferred across to the Manhattan SVU district attorney’s office. “A while,” he finished.

He looked up and saw that the candle flame made tiny reflections in her dark eyes and he watched her, unable to look away for a moment.

“This isn’t a job that makes dating easy, what we see makes the whole idea of interpersonal relations difficult.” 

“So that’s…” Rafael stopped himself, looking away finally. “Sorry, none of my business.”

“No, it’s ok. Ask.”

“You and Brian,” was all he said.

She gave him a rueful smile, “We’ve known each other a long time. We didn’t date when we worked together before, but we had some fun. He might have thought he wanted more. I might have thought I did too, later.” She took a bite of sandwich, giving herself a chance to think about how to explain it, to herself or Rafael. “I guess we were familiar, known,” she shrugged, “there’s a sort of comfort in not having to explain yourself, I guess.”

“Familiarity didn’t breed contempt then?”

“No, just complacency I think. We were never going to set the world on fire, but we didn’t set each other on fire either. In the end friends was the best we were gonna do, and it wasn’t enough to keep us closer than that. I think we did ok, just not,” she spread her hands, not finding the words she wanted.

“It’s good to have friends, anyway, even if it isn’t more.”

There was a sound in his voice Olivia felt more than heard, an understanding in those words that meant a lot more than she figured he meant to convey. Her ADA was hiding something, some secret pain. She thought by now they were good enough friends that he could talk about it and wondered why he didn’t. She picked up the second half of her sandwich and took a bite to keep from asking her friend what was bothering him. She figured she’d pried enough, but then again, he’d asked first, sort of. 

“Who’s the new Lauren?” She was guessing, but pretty sure she hit the mark when he looked up quickly with wide eyes.

“I’m a little old for teenage crushes.”

“Unrequited love knows no age,” she said with a small, possibly smug, smile. He hadn’t denied it, so she felt sure she’d nailed it.

“Be that as it may, I am not unhappy with my life, thanks.”

“Not unhappy is not the same as happy, Rafa.”

“What can you do,” he said, taking another bite to avoid the subject.

“You ask them out of course. Unless they’re married, then, well, yeah, not unhappy is the best you might get.”

“Not married,” he said after he swallowed, realizing as he did that he’d given entirely too much away.

“Well then, nothing’s in your way.” She stood and took the empty wrapper from her sandwich to the trash, then returned and poured herself another two fingers of scotch and took it to her bed where she sat against the headboard, nursing the drink as she watched Rafael finish his own dinner and then he cleaned up after himself and disappeared into the bathroom without speaking again.

Much later that night Rafael woke to see that there was weak light coming in the window where they’d left the curtains open. He got up and pulled on the sweatshirt he’d been wearing, padding to the window in his socks and pajamas. The snow had finally stopped and the sky was clear. Half a moon was hanging over the white covered cityscape, making the unbroken field of snow glitter and glisten, there were stars shining, a sight he knew was unusual because light pollution rarely let city dwellers see them. He poured himself a drink and stood watching the silent city, unmarred by tire tracks in the streets. Nothing was moving, it remained eerily quiet without the constant hum of electric motors or the sounds of appliances.

“Everything ok?” Olivia’s voice was soft and sleepy behind him.

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Snowstorm ended.”

Rafael heard rustling, then Olivia was beside him, gasping at the beautiful scene of moonlit snow and stars.

“We accidentally woke up in a Christmas card.”

“Or a sappy holiday movie.”

Olivia laughed because he echoed her thoughts when she’d arrived in town. “Not hardly. We have no insurmountable obstacles to magically overcome in two hours or less and nobody has forced us to attend a party we were avoiding.”

He looked down at her, “You watch those then.”

“I like to stick to the classics. Miracle on 34th Street, White Christmas. Die Hard.”

He laughed and finished his drink, sitting the glass behind him on the table. “That’s a hell of a lineup.”

“I didn’t say I watched them all in a row.” She shivered, the window was radiating cold.

Rafael put his arm around her and she leaned into him. She took a deep breath and felt surrounded by the scent of citrus and Rafael, she sighed and breathed again, feeling comfortable and comforted, like she hadn’t in too long. For a moment she let herself imagine she was his new Lauren and then chastised herself, she didn’t want to be his unrequited crush, did she? Without thinking too much about it, or she wouldn’t do it, she slipped her arm around his waist, enjoying the warmth. He tipped his head to the side just enough to lean on hers and she shivered again, but not from the cold window, instead the realization that this felt so good and so right put a zing of electricity up her spine.

“Let’s get you tucked back in before you freeze.” But Rafael didn’t move away from her.

“I like where I am.”

Rafael suppressed a groan, he liked where she was, too. He wanted to stand there with her for the rest of the night, nearly holding her, smelling the light floral shampoo she used and the softness of her skin so near his cheek as he rested his head against hers. 

Olivia turned into him, wrapping her other arm around him, tucking her head under his chin. “I’m sorry we got snowed in but I’m glad you were here.” Her voice was soft in the near darkness.

Rafael wrapped his arms around her in return. “Best lost not-weekend, ever,” he whispered into her hair.

In their socks they were nearly even so when Olivia tipped her head back to look at him he had barely an inch on her, their lips were close and he couldn’t resist leaning toward her, stopping himself when he realized what he was about to do. He needn’t have worried, Olivia finished the lean and brushed her lips against his, there and then gone quickly, smiling softly.

“I am sorry I’m not her, though. Whoever it is would be lucky to have you.”

Rafael did groan then, pulling her closer and trapping her with his arm around her back, his other hand sliding up to caress her neck and bury itself in her hair. He kissed her firmly and quickly, moving his mouth to her ear, “It’s you, Liv, it’s been you almost as long as I’ve known you. I’m sorry.”

The admission took her by surprise but she tightened her arms around him and asked softly, “Why sorry?”

The reasons he felt she deserved better than what he could offer her overwhelmed him and he couldn’t speak for a moment, then it all spilled out in a rush.

“Didn’t we cover this already the other night, Rafa? Do you think I was lying when I said there is nothing for me to forgive?” She pulled her hands up and cupped his face, feeling stubble under her palms and her imagination went wild for a moment imagining that stubble brushing her skin. “Stop beating yourself up and kiss me properly.”

Rafael’s lips came down on hers, pressing and opening and she gladly met him, opened to him, taking turns exploring each other. Her hands slipped up into his hair and gently fisted there, holding his head to hers, the kisses going on and on, traded fairly and equally.

His mouth slid from hers, kissing a trail down her throat and she hummed her approval, sliding her hands from his hair and down his neck, gripping his strong shoulders and encouraging him on. He kissed back up to her lips. “Come to bed, Liv?”

“Yes, Rafa, please.”

He led them to his bed, the nearest one, letting her lay down and following her, sliding his hands under the tee-shirt and sweatshirt she’d worn with her pajamas, reveling in the soft skin under his palms. She pulled him over her and slid her hands inside his own shirt, fingers gripping and pulling him close, mouth meeting his in a kiss that might have started gentle but turned hungry and fierce as they pushed at one another’s clothes.

Mostly undressed and no longer aware of the chill in the air, Rafael rolled onto his back, “Liv, I don’t have,” he paused, “anything.”

“No lucky condom in your shaving kit?” She laughed but not mean.

“I haven’t had need of one for,” another pause, “a while.”

“Jesus, Rafa, you weren’t kidding?”

“Not about this, no.”

Olivia rolled over to cover him with her body, aware of his enthusiasm in the moment, undeterred by the pause. “I tested clean at my last check-up, just a few weeks ago. And pregnancy isn’t a risk.” She let the statement, and the offer it was, sink in. Rafael wrapped his arms loosely around her, his long fingers stroking her back.

“My last check up was months ago but as I said, nothing’s been going on. I’m healthy and up to date on my shots.”

Olivia laughed again and leaned down to kiss him, pressing her breasts to his chest and he groaned, a happy sound in the back of his throat, she hummed in return, straddling him and letting him feel she was as happy to be there as he was to have her there. 

Cheerful daylight was streaming through the window when Olivia woke again. She could smell coffee. There was heat radiating down her back and she knew that was Rafael. She turned her head to find he was watching her, so she rolled in his arms and folded her hands on his chest and propped her chin on them. He stroked her hair from her eyes and smiled. “Good morning?”

“Yes, good morning.” She returned his smile.

“Power’s been on a while. Coffee’s about ready and the water is probably warm enough for a shower. I’ll let you have the first one.”

“I don’t want to make you have a cold one.”

He raised a brow at her, a half grin lifting one side of his mouth.

“I don’t want you to have to have any more cold showers on my account,” she amended. He grinned. “Join me, then we’ll both be warm.” Her smile was wicked as she slipped naked from the bed and headed for the bath. When she’d finished part of her morning routine she opened the bathroom door and turned on the shower. It was warm enough.

Rafael joined her under the spray and they took their time soaping and shampooing and stroking slick skin on skin. 

Later that day they found themselves on a nearly deserted train back to the city. 

“Are you on call this weekend?”

“No, I’m free until Monday. But you were going to work?”

“Not now. I hope to have a better plan.” Rafael looked at her and she smiled. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled close. “Would you like to come to my place and have dinner, we can watch a movie or,” he paused and she looked up at him, “not.” His grin promised things she wanted to explore.

“I’d like that very much,” she answered his grin with one of her own, meeting his promise with some of her own.

**Author's Note:**

> I ignored so much canon, OMG, and I love first time stories so I indulged my love of them. Most of my stories start with me asking 'what if' and then usually disaster happens (to me staying up late to write AND to my characters, or in this case someone else's characters!) but I try to make it all ok in the end. Oddly I had no soundtrack during this story, just random CopShows on my TV and too much Christmas Cheer.  
> Thanks for reading and Happy All the Holidays, everyone.


End file.
